This post doesn’t have much to do with parenting, it’s more about a grudge I carry.
When I was around 20 weeks pregnant with our baby, we went in for the typical gender ultrasound. We were dying to find out the gender of our first child, although I was sure it was a boy. We had a plan, a party, and the gender in a sealed envelope.
My mom had agreed to make a cocoon shaped pinata and fill it with pink or blue butterflies, candy, and other little things. We carried around that envelope with the ultrasound burning a hole in it for two days before the party. I was consumed by it for those days. Then when we gathered with our families, I passed it off to my mom who retreated to a bedroom to fill the pinata. Here’s where the trouble starts.
My nephew, at the time, was 7. He’s nosey, outspoken about things that his parents have a strong opinion on, even if he’s too young to understand (i.e. abortion), and not always the best listener. I get it, he’s 7.
Anyway, we told him to stay away from the room my mom was in. Repeatedly. He, of course, spied on her. After learning the gender, he immediately ran to tell my husband. After whispering in my husband’s ear, he received a kind, but firm, direction to not tell anyone else. At which point he shouted to everyone in the house that it was a girl. Since it was a beautiful July day, half the party was outside and therefore hadn’t heard the suspense-ruining news. Then, since everyone inside was pretending that they hadn’t heard, he ran outside to let the rest of them know.
After everyone had been informed, I told him that his pinata breaking privileges were revoked. He cried and apologized and I relented in the end. I tried really hard not to let this effect my feelings because I didn’t want my sweet girl to feel like my disappointment was due to learning her gender. It wasn’t. I was thrilled to be having a girl, but was totally devastated to have lost such an exciting and important moment.
I carry this with me despite the fact that my daughter is almost one and a half. It’s taken a huge toll on how I (and my husband) feel towards my nephew. I wish I could let it go. Right before my daughter was born, I got in contact with people to whom I owed forgiveness and let them know they had been forgiven, all in an effort to start the new chapter of my life without hate. I can’t let go of this. I want to, but I guess I don’t know how.
Next time, we’ll be doing the cake reveal or something, something that doesn’t allow for this kind of error. Or maybe we’ll just find out the foolproof way, and wait until they’re born.
Do I look like I’m holding back tears? I definitely am. Huge disappointment+hormones= crazy sobbing pregnant lady